Protocol

Have you ever been out somewhere and when you get back to your car you see it? It's shining in the sun and laughing at you. DING. A nice ding on your car door from some worthless faggotface who can't seem to understand that when he flings open his door it's going to fly the fuck open at a NASCAR rate of fucking speed and hit the person's car next to you. It almost never fails that the queefsniffer who did it to you is gone. But today the car that did it was still there. I've had many thoughts as to what I should have done. What I did was nothing. I thought I'd be a bigger man and take the high road. I believe this was a mistake, very out of character for me. It's still eating at me that I didn't get revenge. Here's a list of the things I wanted to do to this pristine Chrysler minivan:

1. First thought was key it.
2. Spit a big loogie on the drivers side window.
3. Dump my coffee all over their hood.
4. Take a big fucking duece on the hood.

Out of all these I should have done #2. I think #1 may have been a little overboard. I had just drove to get my coffee and it was cold out so I didn't like #3 either. I would have absolutely loved to do #4 but as is turns out I didn't have it in me. Literally.

I'm wandering what the protocol is for this? What is acceptable punishment for catching your door ding criminal? Or should I act the like 29 year old man that I am and let it go?